Why is it as parents do we moan when our children leave home?.

I know I am guilty of this one. As a mother I feel bereft and in a sense to have lost my purpose in life. A feeling of no longer being needed.

I complained about the endless washing, the mess, the late night disturbances and taxi service required; the being taken for granted and our home being treated like a hotel and now I am moaning when it stops!!!!

Surely this just goes to show we are never satisfied! However there are real emotions caught up in this one and many a woman has found that this experience is very real and takes quite a lot of readjustment in their life. Often a new direction is sought to fill the large gap left in their life when the last youngster leaves home and no longer requires the regular time and effort put in on a daily basis.

I am not saying that the children never value parents again. Agreed, it would be foolish to sever contact and stop making an effort to help the new independent adult, who has just left home. But changes to our lifestyle and habits are required. Is it really that we are moaning about the changes needed in the lives of us parents? We have been in a routine of life for many years and most of us do not find change easy.

The crazy bit about all this is that we have been working towards the day that the beloved child leaves home from the moment that child entered our life! We long to teach the child how to cope with all the physical and emotional parts to life. We seek to educate them to make the best of their abilities and make the most of the opportunities. We want the child to grow up and have a good, satisfying job, to be happy and share their life with someone special. Then we go and bemoan the day they leave to start doing just that!

Probably the best piece of advice we ever received as parents was to “First try to give our children roots and then give them Wings". The more I think over that saying the true meaning just expands. Roots involves all that love, care and security which nurtures the young child, but does not go away in later life and means our child who is now an adult still knows where a safe haven is at the parental home. Wings says so much to me of all we strived to give our children in self confidence, willingness to try new things , being adventurous and rising to a challenge. Now I must let go and let them do these things for themselves!

So personally when that flying visit home has just brought back all those empty feelings when the son or daughter left again; I try to remember my aim was "roots and wings" and that is OK. My sense of loss is normal to, as long as I do not try to tether my children or let a job well done (as they felt able to leave home) pass without a sense of success and pride.

Now it is time for me as a mum to use my own wings and try out new things too!